Tuesday, August 25, 2009

When Will I Know

Strange thing it is to try and predict what will happen next in the future. As a person living with a terminally ill person, caring for them as best I can, life for me and that person has become basically unpredictable. It's like you become encapsulated in a vacuum and you can not escape. Days and even weeks go by going through the motions of pretending out normalcy. No amount of insight can really prepare you for what long journey that is like a winding road in which you just can't see op ahead what lies in front of you. There is only now and you try to prepare yourself for future events that will unfold, but nothing really works to control the anxiety except telling yourself over and over, I will be strong and go forth with solidness of character and a willingness for adventure.
Ever so careful we watch and wait in hope that the ride is not to bumpy or terribly dangerous. Ocassionally we falter in doubt that we can accept and handle what is ahead of us in the near future.
I know that the imagination leaves nothing to guess about and fear is always a true reality. It's like being in a dark place and not knowing when the light will come back on.

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